Come Visit Me, A Howard Original

December 2, 2007 at 10:05 pm | In Peru, dogs, family, food, friends, horses, language, music, party, sick, tourism, travel | 4 Comments

(sung to the tune of Rod Stewart’s ‘If You Think I’m Sexy’…play the video, then follow along with the new and improved lyrics)

…
…(musica)
…
azucar, oooh
…
…(musica)
…
ooh ooh ooh
…
…(musica)
…
You sit alone, reading my weblog
Peru sounds nice, except the trash and stray dog(s)
The climate is dry, the food cheap and delicious
The culture abounds, for you Peru is waiting

(chorus)

If you want to visit me
And don’t fear diarrhea
Come on azucar let me know

The flight will be expensive
But then once you get here
Everything will be dirt cheap
…
…(musica)
…
To Machu Picchu, I cannot escort you
It’s far away, and I’m basically penniless
Northern Peru, to you has lots to offer
Pyramids, Ceviche, and a cute jewish curly haired spanish speaking guide

So hop a plane to this third world country
At last! you can watch me dance the festejo

(chorus)

If you want to visit me
And like eating rice
Come on bebe let me know

We’ll go horseback riding
And we’ll hike the pyramids
We can go surfing if you are paying!
…
…(musica)
…
There is ancient stuff here too
Not quite as famous as the south
Come on friend/relative/complete stranger
You might want to pack some diapers

Owwwww!!!

(saxaphone solo)

(time to break it down)

We will pick fruit and eat it off the tree
Guanabana, Chirimoya, and other stuff you’ve never heard of
If it’s not rainy season, we’ll go to the mountains
Ride around on donkeys, and do lots of cartwheels

One other thing, you’ll have to remember
Carry around some TP because they don’t have it available in public restrooms

IIIIIFFF you want to visit me
And like being relatively tall
Come on azucar let me know

As a special bonus
You might get to feel a tremor
Ah, I see you are booking your ticket right now!

oooh

shuu gar

if you really need TP
i’ll carry around some extra
come on sugar let me know

really really really need TP! just let me know

(whispers): TP TP TP TP TP TP

(2x) I’ll bring the TP, you’ll bring the TP
TP TP TP

FIN

4 Comments »

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So OK like you’re sitting around hungry on a bleak Sunday, zero in the fridge, you do not I surmise say let’s bring in some Chinese. Do you say let’s bring in some Peruvian? If so, what’s in it? Why the need for so much TP? Could it be the water? The theme for this week the Giants having partially vindicated themselves by bearly eaking out a W, is Sunday supper. Blintzes? Tapas? I must know this stuff. Corn-based? Tortillas chased by ethanol? When is the last time you salivated?
This is your best mail this month.
Love,
That other cousin Marty.

Comment by Marty Goldfine — December 3, 2007 #

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this was hilarious. I’m headed to South America in February for a family reunion (of sorts) and maybe i can swing by or at least wave

Comment by Mike Lewis — December 4, 2007 #

Reply
Ese es mi Perú

Comment by Fernando — December 5, 2007 #

Reply
If you want to come back
To the U.S. of A
Come on Shawty let me know

Me, Batman and Moses
will all be glad to greet you
And shed all over your face

Comment by Your wife/Sonyell — December 20, 2007 #

Reply